Let's take the air mask scenario on an airplane. The flight attendant mentions that if the plane should crash, "parents should reach for the air mask first to get enough air in-take to then be able to properly tend to their children". Life is no different. In fact, daily we should be tending to ourselves as mothers regarding our careers, exercise, marriage, social agendas, and hobbies. This will not only create a more harmonious atmosphere at home, but our children will emulate our ways. We are the example as mothers, and like the good ol' saying holds true, "monkey see, monkey do". If our kids see us putting ourselves first, they will be likely to do the same.
I like to think of releasing your Mommy Mojo in the following ways:
1. Career-create a 9-5 or around the clock structure free environment where your business can be run on minimal hours. Thus giving you the time and freedom to be with your children and at the same time fulfilling that part of you that yearns to be creative and productive in business. Whether you are an entrepreneur or an intraprenuer, find a way to work remotely from home, and less than 8 hours a day. I refer to the 4 Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferriss when I say that the goal is not to work harder, but to work smarter. Figure out a way to work less, and still be effective, freeing up your time to have fun with your children and participate in activities with them.
2. Exercise-This is a BIG one for me and other Mojo Mommies. It's important for me to start my day with an exercise routine, however every mommy is different. Exercise in a nutshell could mean meditating, yoga, hiking, breathing exercises, walking, hitting the gym, etc. It simply means alone time for 30-45 minutes in the beginning of the day. This is a "time out" for mommy before the storm of the day starts to wind up. I NEED this time every morning because I am able to clear my head of any junk, throw away unwanted thoughts, and create my (short) mental to-do list for the coming day. When I say short list, I mean short. Mojo Mommies know how to keep the to-do lists to a minimum so they can focus on 2-3 monumental tasks throughout the day, freeing up their time to be more present and focused mommies. Keeping tasks to a minimum also frees up our time to take that pottery class we've been longing for over the last few months.
3. Marriage & Relationships-Post baby tends to make us feel as though we can only have a relationship with our little bundles of joy. There was a study done regarding how new fathers felt after their child was born. 87% of new fathers felt an immediate jealousy towards their new offspring simply because Mommy wasn't paying them any attention. We get so consumed with this child from God that we neglect all things and people around us. It sounds like a symptom of tunnel vision if you ask me. Mojo Mommies know how to graciously balance everything, including their love from one intimate relationship to the next. Our partners need us as much as our children do. It's a group effort. What I like to do is delegate to make your partner feel needed and wanted. This simple effort of including your partner and existing siblings will then create a harmonious family unit. This act will be the glue that holds your family together in the years to come. You see, we as Mojo Mommies are the matriarchs of the family. It is up to us to graciously delegate and explain how our families are to be run.
4. Social Agendas-Most of the mommies I know rarely go out without a child on their hip. I can speak for the majority of them, because I used to be that mommy. I was stricken with guilt every time it was a girlfriend's birthday party or my partner insisted we have a romantic dinner out. I felt as though I was depriving my child of their mother. Frankly, my daughter had no idea because she was so young at the time, and even now she practically shoves me out the front door. It is essential for my mental stability to go out at least once a week with adults and socialize. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that and I condone it. Whether it is coffee, a cocktail, or a social event. Go! In fact, one of my closet Mojo Mommies makes it a point to go out every Friday to dance salsa at her favorite nightclub. Why should this pre-baby behavior have to stop once we have children? Fill your life everyday with little fun filled activities. Our lives don't stop once we become mothers, it is only enhanced. Our children enhance them. My daughter shows me everyday how to be adventurous, free, and an individual.
5. Hobbies-What is your hobby of choice? Have you taken the time to think about this in the last month? 3 months? 6 months? Clearly it is important to make time for your desires. Whether it is taking that salsa class, or signing up for that book writing seminar you've been thinking of. I encourage hobbies. My daughter at 2 ½ enjoys swimming, and dance class. This summer she will take an acting class. We as mothers are always trying to enrich our children's lives with extracurricular activities that will (hopefully) make them more well rounded. We should be doing the same thing for ourselves. Time is usually the objective here. Mothers always say that they do not have enough of it. That's a cop out. If you are busy, then you are lazy. Busy people don't know how to delegate their workload to other family members i.e. husband or hired help. Learn how to prioritize your desires, and hobbies. Once you make the mental space for it, the physical space will also manifest.
Now that you have read how to develop and maintain your Mommy Mojo hopefully you will start putting these techniques to good use. Take the time every day, preferably in the beginning of the day, to clearly see how you can keep your battery happily charged.
Here's to a Happy Mother, and a Happy Home!
Daniela Rosa Bycoffe
CEO/Stilleto Wearing Soccer Mom